"Dubito ergo cogito; cogito ergo sum."

"Dubito ergo cogito; cogito ergo sum."

I doubt, therefore I think; I think, therefore I am.  Rene Descartes.

I definitely do my share of doubting and thinking.  By Rene Descartes' reckoning, I therefore exist.  I seem to have difficulty convincing myself of that sometimes.  If you're reading this and you've read this far, you'll know that I'm not a religious person.  If such is the case, isn't my very existence an act of defiance?  Living, breathing, moving, and all without a steadfast belief in a higher power?

I believe there's something there, but it's just not natural that we try and understand and define it.  My beliefs don't have solid edges.  Anyway.

I don't doubt myself.  I don't doubt that I am here, right now, at this point in time.  I move my fingers, curl my toes, see the pink-painted nails at their ends, feel this breath move in and out.  Sometimes, though, the act of living has me so surprised that I tend to forget.  Forget, or even question, my own existence.  The touch of sun on skin startles me.  Sea air in my nose, goosebumps on my arms.  A taste of homemade blackberry wine or mango chutney.  Is this really me here?  Is it even possible to feel all these things?

Henry Louis Mencken said that "the basic fact about human existence is that it is not a tragedy, it is a bore.  It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line."  I disagree.  Life's not boring.  It's only as boring as you make it and in the back of my mind, my imagination rivals that of any seven-year-old.  The reason I get up in the morning is because I never know what could happen and I don't know if it could be good or bad, but that I want to be up to see it.

This is definitelt one of those moments where you know exactly what you feel, but suddenly lose all linguistic abilities to describe it.

And yet, somehow, you really don't care.