random things

-Prof.  Patenaud, CRIM 101:  "Right, now which one of you was the one that liked sex?  No, I'm not talking about all of you.  Just one person.  Put your hands down.  On second thought, keep them where I can see them."

-"Christ in a zeppelin, what do you have in there, a small child?"  "A Statistics textbook actually, but close enough."

-"Screw this Team Jacob, Team Edward nonsense.  From now on I'm Team Garlic and Team Silver Bullet."

-(While watching Iron Man 2) "What's that?"  "A particle accelerator.  Took a team of scientists years to build one, he did it in a couple of hours without even breaking a sweat.  No big deal."

-(While at work) "Can I tie you to that?"  ".....Sorry, don't think my bosses would like to look at the video tapes and see me being tied to the St.  Andrew's Cross."

-"What's the St.  Andrew's Cross?  I'm not religious."  "Let's just throw it out there that it's very far from being a religious artifact."

-"Where I'm from the only thing needed to make a truck like that even more badass is a pair of antlers duct-taped to the front.  Sort of like a kangaroo bumper."

-"Know what's scary?  Holding a 20-pack of timbits and watching 75 fully-kitted 230-pound football players run towards you screaming about timbits."

-"There was a group of guys in the store, just being outright disrespectful, and I wanted them to leave but I'm not that great at being forceful with people yet.  Then they started swatting each other with the whips and I got an idea.  Went and grabbed the dragon's-tongue whip, makes a really loud snap if you swing it right.  Told them they were doing it all wrong.  Got a lovely KA-RACK sound out of the whip.  Never seen anyone leave a store so quickly in my life."

-"Miss, you have tape on your back."  "Oh, that's my racing stripe."

-"Dude, I can't HAVE 'that's what she said' moments.  I work at the sex store."